“It wasn’t until I became a makeup artist and model that I truly began to find my niche, and I think it’s because neither of those disciplines allows for the destructive perfectionism or self doubt that have held me back most of my life.”
– Quille Palan
I sat down with Quille Palan at Denver Fashion Week, Fall of 2019. It was my first time modeling in Denver Fashion Week (not just emceeing or attending) and I was so excited for the opportunity to be a model and be on the other side of the show than I usually am. I was a little bit nervous, but when I sat down with Quille, my nerves melted away. After learning that we had met over a decade before and in a completely different lifetime ago, I knew I wanted to get to know more about this amazingly beautiful person!
One thing that I love about this interview with Quille is the honesty. It’s so hard for us to admit what we might not be cut out to do. But oh how inspiring it is to share life’s REAL journey into discovering what we ARE meant to do!
What was the first inkling of a passion that fired up your soul and how old were you when you felt it?
I was probably eight or so when I began making “friendship bracelets” out of DMC floss. I grew up in Evergreen, and every week you could find me standing in front of the craft wall in Evergreen Drug agonizing over what color I would add to my collection while my parents went grocery shopping. I have always been drawn to vivid, rich color, and I think gazing at all those skeins of floss formed the beginnings of my drive as an artist!
How did you get into the fashion world and how has it evolved?
My first experience in the fashion world was your Fashion Denver Fall Harvest show in 2006 as a corset designer. At the time I was just beginning to discover that I had some skill as a sewer and chainmaille weaver but I sort of abandoned them after the 2008 economic crash, and in retrospect it was because I wasn’t creating for the right reasons.
I took a couple hobbies and recklessly tried to develop them into a business, and I ended up completely burning myself out because I couldn’t manage my own perfectionism. It took nearly ten years and a lot of discovering who I really am at the core to reignite that passion, and I even tried getting back into designing.
I made two gowns for the WhXYte Wedding fashion show a couple years ago, and although it was a fantastic experience it took a lot out of me, and once again found myself completely burned out. I love making clothing and jewelry but it seems the universe has been telling me I’m meant to place my creative energies elsewhere.
It wasn’t until I became a makeup artist and model that I truly began to find my niche, and I think it’s because neither of those disciplines allows for the destructive perfectionism or self doubt that have held me back most of my life. You can’t just put down your brushes during a service or stop halfway down the runway and say “ya know, I’m just not feeling this right now. I’m going to come back to it tomorrow.” There is no time to put endless finishing touches or reworked ideas into a look or pose at the last second. It’s either done or it’s not, and every time I step off the runway or turn my client towards a mirror I feel a great sense of accomplishment knowing that I completed the process I began, especially knowing that it won’t ever be “perfect”.
I will always love designing, but the way I do it is an exhausting affair. Makeup however energizes and excites me, and I continue to learn and grow through even the scariest and biggest challenges I’ve faced. Doing makeup for the first time at DFW was especially challenging but it was also exhilarating, and a special highlight was finding myself doing your look for one of the shows! It was such a heartwarming way to come full circle on my fashion career and to catch up with you 13 years after it all began while painting you into a fierce runway panther!
What is one item of fashion that you own that is your go to and makes you feel rooted in who you are?
Heels!! After spending so much of my life unsuccessfully trying to disappear in a crowd I chose to embrace it. Now, whether on the street or runway when I’m strutting in tall heels I feel like a powerful goddess and my confidence soars in a way that makes me feel more “me” than I could have ever imagined.
What have been your biggest challenges over your journey through fashion?
Body image has been at the top of a long list of challenges, and as a 6’ 5” trans woman stepping on a runway for the first time was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve had a complicated relationship with my body over the years and learning to see what I love about it instead of what I hate has been a major point of struggle but has also been a key area of growth for me. I’ve learned to deal with the reality that many people don’t believe I should be allowed in public spaces and they are keen to express that disapproval.
Being part of the fashion community however has really buffered that hurt and helped me move past the frustration I feel sometimes with society at large, and I’m a healthier, more whole person as a result. I remember one show in particular where I was standing in my underwear while someone was stretching an extra tight dress over my head, and I realized in that moment I was “just a model”. Nobody cared about my gender or the shape of my body, and there were no politics or preconceived notions. It was incredibly liberating to not have to think about my gender identity or expression or social politics in that moment, and I have drawn much strength and self-love from it.
Who or what is your source of support?
My family has always been my greatest source of strength and encouragement. I never would have been able to go through with the initial coming out process and live my truth if I didn’t have the unconditional love and support of my parents and sisters, and I carry that with me every day. I also enjoy a lot of support from my trans and Sephora families, and all the other artists and models I’ve worked with in just a few short years. In a harsh, individualistic society like ours, it brings me joy to see everyone elevate, encourage and love each other with such sincerity!
Who are a couple of your fashion influences?
Tiaja Pierre and Kat DeJesus are my biggest influences, and mentors too. They do things with makeup that regularly astound and inspire me, and I find myself getting lost staring into the details of their work and the vast experience they bring to their looks. They have encouraged me and helped me grow in ways I don’t think I’ve even fully realized yet and I’m eternally grateful to them, and as an artist and esthetician-in-training I aspire to be like them someday!
How are you staying positive and inspired during this pandemic?
I carry with me the philosophy that each one of us makes the world what it is, and part of my role seems to be bringing inspiration to queer people who are struggling or unable to live openly, and I believe it’s more important now than ever to live and express my truth. As a retail worker I don’t have the option to stay home during this pandemic and I regularly come into contact with dozens, sometimes hundreds of people a day so I still have a way to continue being that inspirational force, and that is enough to keep me from getting depressed over how poorly our society has dealt with this historic challenge.
Any website or socials you’d like to share:
I’m slowly building a website and hope to have quillepalan.com up and running by Spring, but for now you can find me on Instagram (@quillepalan)
